Hair related-ish ramble

I'm starting to care less...which is, to say the least, a little bit worrying. My assembly on the whole raising money thing is on Monday and I've only just started the presentation, I have no clue what I'm going to say or do, I haven't sorted out the music situation and I'm starting to care less about it all. Not good... So yes I'm worrying a little and I'm stressed more than I should be over something I'm caring less about. I've been planning this for almost 2 years... This has been a major part of my life and motivator for a while. People, however, are just bringing me down. It's not fun to feel like what I'm doing makes no difference, which is basically what they're saying. They always try to prove me wrong and tell me why it won't work. It's great to see how much confidence they have in me. I don't think they understand what they're doing. There are a few people who are keeping me going through with this but I still just don't seem to care, it's driving me crazy. Right now I should be super excited and finishing off my power point and fill in these posters I have and some forms for something or other that were supposed to be in yesterday. To be honest I just don't care and I just don't know how to tell anyone that... So here I am telling you because you don't judge me or lecture me or call me insane, it's nice to be able to escape this feeling. I will get back to work when I'm done this and soon it'll all be over and we'll be able to see who was right. I just really hope it wasn't me...

Sorry, just needed to get it off my chest. I'll update later with actual information on the whole hair thing. Anyways I owe €24 to charity from the pot.

Not sure what else to say so I'll stop here.
The Straight Talker

The all clear.

So yesterday afternoon, during my after school applied maths class, yes I am just THAT cool, I was called by the office. It turns out that the principal wanted to talk to me. Strange? Not really, I had already had a run in with my vice-principal saying she wanted to talk to me. Anyways so I went in and sat down and she started talking to me about the student council stuff which is boring and results in me having to talk to the music teacher Friday, make an announcement in assembly on Monday and hold a meeting on Tuesday. Like I said, boring. After we had finished we that the topic of my whole hair plan was brought up. She asked about when I'm thinking about doing it and such. So after about 5 minutes she gave me the all clear to go ahead and that it's a very worth while cause, she has apparently talked to a few people on the subject.

So yeah...I'm taking an entire assembly by my self tomorrow week to explain to them all how it's going to work. Basically I'm cutting off my hair at Easter to donate it. I'm also getting people to sponsor me to dye my hair, sponsor me for €5 or more and you get a vote on what colour I dye it. It can also be stripes of different colours or what ever. So if you'd like me to dye my hair in the Hogwarts house colours I will do so, or if you prefer electric blue or so on. More on that later anyways! So much work to do in such a short time! Oh an €1 more in the pot, that's a total of €20 now I think. Well I must be off, sponsorship sheets to organise.
Toodle-pip!

The Straight Talker

MUN and Japan

I've missed another update and I'm going to count this as tomorrow's post so that means I owe another €2 to charity. Japan would probably seem to be the most obvious place to donate the money to. As I posted before I was away at an MUN conference for the weekend. It was really strange leaving Ireland with everything being fine. However when we arrived at the hotel sky news informed us of the Japanese earthquake. It was shocking the rate at which things changed after that. At first the death tole was 34 from the earthquake and around 100 reported missing after the tsunami first hit. The main footage they showed was of the oil refinery fire.

The next morning before heading out the were going to release the nuclear steam. We were in the taxi for about 10 minutes and when we arrived at the school we were greeted by the news of the first explosion at the plant. The news kept unfolding as such.

It's horrifying to think what is happening to all those families. I know someone who lives in Japan. I haven't talked to her in 6 years but for some reason that doesn't make me worry any less. Her name is Ana and I went to school with her when I lived in England. She moved back over to Japan just before I moved back over here. I will worry about all the families and everyone who has lost someone. I should be thankful that it's not my family but for some reason I'm not. Just because I didn't lose a brother, a mother, a sister, a father, a friend, doesn't mean that someone out there isn't hurting. I know it's inevitable that we all die but I still grieve for those who have gone.

I know it's strange that I'm this shocked and upset over something that doesn't effect me personally but, to be honest, I've always been like this. I can't make it all better, which is slightly disappointing. What I can do is raise all the money I can to help the people in Japan. In Ireland we are lucky to be in one of the safest places for earthquakes. We don't have to worry. This doesn't take away from the fact that there are people out there suffering just because of plates moving, something we can't control.

I have so much more I'd like to tell you after the ever eye opening experience of MUN but now is not the time and this post grows so very long. I'll leave this post alone now.

The Straight Talker

Going away

Well I'm off to Edinburgh in a few hours. Yes it's exciting, I'm going with school to an MUN conference. MUN is Model United Nations. I'm on the Environment committee this time. For the first time in all the 8 conferences I've been to I finally wrote a resolution. I'm not sure how things will go and I'm so nervous I'm slightly dizzy. I love MUN because the topics are so fascinating and it really helps get teenagers involved and interacting with the issues we will be forced to deal with in these years to come. Well I'm leaving the house at 3 so I have 4 hours to finish packing, write this and sleep if possible.

I'll write a longer post when I get back but I do have one thing left to mention, lent. For lent I have given up 3 separate things. So for each time I break lent I'm going to put 50 cent in the pot. Thing is I will break these, a lot, I already broke one today.

Well I must go finish packing now.
The Straight Talker

Memories.

Well this morning I couldn't stand or bare another morning of talks on bullying. Every time the teacher tries to explain the different types of bullying I think back to when it happened to me. I can hear his voice in my head telling me that I'm a "beached up whale". I can feel them punching and slapping my arms to see the bruises minutes later. I remember the way they turned all my friends against me and made me a laughing stock at the same time. I remember the way he'd slap my ass till it was read raw and would grab my boobs. I remember him making comments to his friends about how I was easy and I was asking for it. I remember slapping him in the face twice and then apologising. I remember saying that I forgave him and them. I didn't really. I just said I did.

I can't let him know how he broke me. That he's the main reason I hate myself. That because of him I call you a liar. That it's hard to trust you. That I did what I did to cope. That I hate it when you call me beautiful or smart or amazing. I know he may not have done much but nearly 4 years on I still remember it like yesterday.

I'm not as strong or as happy as you think I am. I started this blog in mind of helping, maybe possibly changing something. Now that I think about it I doubt I can. I'm just one person trying to forget my past. Er-bear is amazing and certainly stronger than I am. Kobold1 is smarter and more realistic than I. So I'm just the dreamer so it seems my name is quite ironic.

Yet if I do get over this whole insecure self-hating thing you'll be some of the first to know. Till then, if you continue to read this that is, you'll put up with my rambling and maybe a few plans. I do have plans for this and they shall come in time.

As for now I owe €17 to some charity. Feel free to suggest one if you like, if not I'll chose one myself.

Talk spoon.
The Straight Talker

Volunteering followed ramble

All right well my dear, few, readers I have to apologize for my bad behaviour in terms of posting this week. Currently I am even procrastinating at writing every word of this, even so that I am finishing this off over 24 hours since I started this. So I owed €8.50 for not posting on time so while I was volunteering to collect money for Teenage Cancer Trust Ireland I just decided to give them the money. Was actually pretty awesome, made a new friend and all. I'm not really sure where this blog post is going so I'm going to end it now before my brain melts from something or other that might be tiredness, not too sure all together. Anyways I must be off now, I do have a post planned for tomorrow...hope I finish it on time. Thank you all and goodnight.
The Straight Talker

€7.50 in the pot

Well I missed all my planned posts for last week, so now my total is up to €7.50, still haven't decided what charity to donate it to. Urgh, decisions. Oh well, next Sunday I won't be able to post so I had better do post afore so. The reason I'll be missing Sunday is because I'm volunteering to collect money for the Teenage Cancer Trust. Might write a post on the whole experience, might also give them the money I owe. All right well this isn't really much of a post as I have forms to fill out before I can volunteer, I have plans to make, letters to silly government ministers to write - might be better off waiting till the change before I do that- and money to put to aside for when I chose a charity.

On the whole hair cutting and dying ordeal, I have received the fund-raising pack from the chosen charity. I have also been talking to both my Principal and the vice even though this won't be happening till Easter. I might write a piece on it all quite soon, hopefully next week, might be next Monday before I get around to it. Oh well, I have to go sleep now so maybe I can form coherent sentences tomorrow, though I do doubt that will happen.
The Straight Talker