My kinda rock

My kinda rock
Why not try? Doesn't hurt.

Monday, June 13, 2011

I return from the brink

So I'm on my summer holidays with my blue hair. I haven't been the best lately, I broke a promise to someone I love dearly and it's killing me because they don't know. I can't tell them because it'll hurt even more if they knew. I've been feeling really self conscious lately and been having problems yada yada yada... Any way I raised over £600 for the hair dying thing which is pretty awesome. My blue hair is now green-y. But anyway I found this text I send some one and it kinda explains what I don't want to go back to. So here is what I'm trying to avoid:

I was anorexic for a year. The only reason I seem confident about my weight is that years of bullying has made me able to hide it. It hurts any time anyone says I'm beautiful because I just expect them to laugh. I am covered in scars and stretch marks. I'm not beautiful. I am on the verge of not eating again. I'm ashamed that it makes me feel like throwing up when someone compliments the way I look. I'm embarrassed because people think I'm something I'm not. It's already hard enough to do and wear what I want. I am not comfortable in my skin. I am not beautiful.

Unfortunately it seems that I'm heading back that way. Things will be better when summer starts properly. We'll see how it goes but for now I am currently content. 

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