My kinda rock

My kinda rock
Why not try? Doesn't hurt.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Volunteering followed ramble

All right well my dear, few, readers I have to apologize for my bad behaviour in terms of posting this week. Currently I am even procrastinating at writing every word of this, even so that I am finishing this off over 24 hours since I started this. So I owed €8.50 for not posting on time so while I was volunteering to collect money for Teenage Cancer Trust Ireland I just decided to give them the money. Was actually pretty awesome, made a new friend and all. I'm not really sure where this blog post is going so I'm going to end it now before my brain melts from something or other that might be tiredness, not too sure all together. Anyways I must be off now, I do have a post planned for tomorrow...hope I finish it on time. Thank you all and goodnight.
The Straight Talker

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Bad Day

Well hello again ^^ I'm really awful at keeping these posts regular :S Anywho :WARNING!: this may sound like a rant but it has a point!
*Ahem* So today was a rather shitty day. I have depression and I'm not saying that I have any right to be more pissed off or upset than any one else but things do get to me rather easily. So, as I said, I had a rather craptacular day. Fine, whatever, it happens. I was dealing with it.. until my mam told me I was banned from going to see my friends until I went back to school.
Now normally I wouldn't have a problem with this but A: My friends are the only things keeping me sane (other than music) and B: It wasn't my fault I wasn't in school. I was supposed to have this meeting today but my dad couldn't take me.. anyway I'm getting slightly off point.

I took this kinda hard and went to my room, music full blast, wouldn't talk to even my best friend. I sat on my bedroom floor looking at a blade, debating whether I should cut or not. I've recently stopped self harming and this was the first time I'd really thought about going back there.
I put down the blade.

Instead, I did my hair and my make up.. and I put on a ballerina outfit and danced my little heart out. I danced until all 5ft 4 of me ached. When my sister walked in giggling at me, I looked her straight in the eyes and said "I bet you're jealous!" and I kept dancing.

Everyone has the power turn their own mood around, and it doesn't have to be in a destructive way. Draw a picture, listen to some music or just be down right childish and silly. Have a laugh with yourself! Be happy! Smile till your jaws feel like their going to fall off! Be yourself :)

And most of all.. be the change you want to see in the world. Today I'm going to be... A Ballerina :)

Peace out,
Er-Bear-Rawrr x

Monday, January 17, 2011

€7.50 in the pot

Well I missed all my planned posts for last week, so now my total is up to €7.50, still haven't decided what charity to donate it to. Urgh, decisions. Oh well, next Sunday I won't be able to post so I had better do post afore so. The reason I'll be missing Sunday is because I'm volunteering to collect money for the Teenage Cancer Trust. Might write a post on the whole experience, might also give them the money I owe. All right well this isn't really much of a post as I have forms to fill out before I can volunteer, I have plans to make, letters to silly government ministers to write - might be better off waiting till the change before I do that- and money to put to aside for when I chose a charity.

On the whole hair cutting and dying ordeal, I have received the fund-raising pack from the chosen charity. I have also been talking to both my Principal and the vice even though this won't be happening till Easter. I might write a piece on it all quite soon, hopefully next week, might be next Monday before I get around to it. Oh well, I have to go sleep now so maybe I can form coherent sentences tomorrow, though I do doubt that will happen.
The Straight Talker

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Can you take me seriously?

So I have until my parents get back from their walk to write this post. Not too sure what it'll be about but I'm sure I'll figure that out as I go along. Yesterday was quite interesting, it was the first time I had coffee and liked it, first time a girl I know gave me a proper compliment rather than one of those back-handed ones that can be taken two ways. It was also the day I decided to look back at what has changed my mind when I used to get suicidal, I'm not saying I don't any more but the thoughts are very rare and only fleeting now rather than the ominous cloud they used to be. I did realise, looking back, that it was always the people I was leaving behind who stopped me. It wasn't just my family I was leaving but the friend who cuts, the paranoid one, the depressed one, the one who just needs someone to listen, the one who may be a bitch but I still love any way, all the people I used to know but no longer talk to because I get embarrassed and all the people I'm yet to meet. Everyone of those people is worth living for. I may not know you, or talk to you, but you're worth living for to me. I may be living my life for other people but I call that living for me, even if I was JUST living for me, you'd all make it worth while. You're worth living for, you're worth waiting for, you're worth saving.

God I probably sound incredibly ridiculous and you won't take me seriously but I'm telling the truth. I haven't lied to yet so why should I start now? You may not know that I haven't lied to you but does it seem like I have? At some point, more than likely, I will start saying 'you know me'. Thing is at this stage we both have about the same level of knowing who I am. Can't you tell what fun this is going to be? The only thing I really know is that this is one of the things I want to keep doing. I think tomorrow, after spending my first day back at school, I'll write a list. This list will contain things I want to do, like donate my hair, or write a letter to an old friend, or make some one's day, or even what job I want. I'll put the list up here even though it will probably be very mundane. I'll explain a few of them because I'm sure they won't all make sense, like how I want to carry around lots of change with me all the time.

I do have a few more things I could ramble on about but I think this is long enough for today.
The Straight Talker

Friday, January 7, 2011

Hip, hop, bunny ears flop...

So for the last while I've been following this blog about infantile spasms and epilepsy awareness called Marissa's Bunny. Now before stumbling across this blog I had no idea that such a condition existed, let alone how hard the families were effected. I'm on the other side of the world from the little girl that this is being written about but I still find I want to do what I can to help. They have recently started a foundation to help out other families where insurance companies fail. I plan, that once I have some money, to donate or maybe to buy something for Marissa off her wishlist. When it comes to donating for every $1000 they receive $27,500 is being matched by the father's employer. All the money that goes into the foundation is used for other families and not for Marissa, this is why I would also like to buy her something off the wishlist.

Problem is I'm only a 16 year old girl with out a job meaning that I can't do as much as I like. It also seems like I'm probably complaining a lot, if so I am sorry, it's just reading this story has done something to me. One might argue that every story I read touches me and I wish I could help everyone. I do know that it would be impossible for me to do so. Maybe for now I'll just set my sights on helping get this foundation off the ground and maybe giving something back to the family. The website for the blog is I really wish I could help but currently I am broke but I shall keep you informed, and maybe even buy a Fairfax bunny. We'll see what happens but I know they're doing well, I know I'm most defiantly not the first person that has been touched by their story, I'm also I won't be the last either. I wish them the best of luck and my thoughts are with them.

On a separate note it seems that Kolbold1 is a little irritated at me for calling him a cynic, but in honesty it's one of the reasons I'm most glad he offered to help. He's one of the people I'm closest too, he knows how easily distracted I get and how hard I find it to commit to things. He also knows how long I've wanted to do something like this. He does however exagerate a little, I do not do that much and I owe more, I can do more. Himself and Er-Bear-Rawr have been so supportive of me doing this. It makes me wonder what I'd do with out them. I know I certainly wouldn't be sitting here writing this post nor would I have started this blog. So thank you because you've given me so much hope.
The Straight Talker

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Kobold1 appears

So apparently I have to introduce myself. Being described as I have been, I of course don't believe this blog will succeed or even last very long, but hey I'll help if it does. At the risk of breaking character I feel I need to praise the straight talker. She does a lot more than she gives herself credit for. I've never seen her happily walk by someone asking for help without donating something. So I hope this goes well for her and keeps her motivated. I'm just here to write the occasional blog. So, a little bit about myself. I recently shaved about three inches of hair of my head for charity and subsequently gave myself a headcold. Would have gone more extreme but apparently its dangerous to wax your scalp.

Anyway I hope this blog is legible and coherent. I am currently on my 25th hour awake and crashing heavily from a large amount of energy drink.
Em...good luck with all your endeavours?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Well this is long over due...

Okay so it's 3 days in to the new year by the time I've gotten around to starting a new post, I obviously need to sort out my priorities better. So one of my plans is that for every post that I miss in a week I'll donate money to charity. So like I said I plan on updating 3 times a week, Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays most likely. For now each of those 3 posts I miss I'll donate €1 so I currently owe €6 I think? Not sure what charity yet, any suggestions are welcome. Some days I weeks I might not able to update if I'm going on a conference or such, I'll mention these before hand and I'll still try post or make up for them before or in the week following. So basically that's it, if after a while I find I'm still not updating as often as I'll increase the amount I'll donate for each post I miss. Whatever happens I'll still try my best at least. That's about it for now, I'll try update tomorrow, or get Kobold to.
The Straight Talker